11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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