Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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