when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
