How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
