Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
