The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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