i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
