even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
