we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My bed smells like the plague
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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