I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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