dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
