I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize