There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
