I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
