You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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