Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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