like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You may now shotgun with the bride
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
