If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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