My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
