im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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