Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
