he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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