Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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