You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
