im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize