Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
