period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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