I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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