she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
