i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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