She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
