and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
