No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
