yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
