I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
