they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
