I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
