is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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