Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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(760): View more from California

I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

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(785): View more from Kansas

Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

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(517): View more from Michigan

My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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(240): View more from Maryland

Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.

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