And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
