Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
