Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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