Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
