It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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