The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
