he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize