Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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