I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
