Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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