Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
