i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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