I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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