It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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