And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
operation have a gay friend backfired
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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