I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
