There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
