It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Even the bartender felt bad for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
