the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
