cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
