Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
