why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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