Christians are straight up FREAKS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
