idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
