It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
