Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
