dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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