oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
