the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
