Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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