I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
